Dumb blonde jokes-official thread.

[eellaaa]

So this is the official blonde jokes thread.
Post all of your blonde dumb jokes and the ones that made you laugh.

Here's one:
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

[†€p]

a blonde opened a hair salon next to a grave yard and called it "curl up and dye"

[lod171717]

hehehe

[†€p]

a blonde comes to work one day crying and her boss askes her wat happened. "my mother has just died " she said. the boss tells her to calm down and to have the day off. she says "no i better stay here to keep my mind of it" the boss agrees and tells her to relax. An hour later the boss decided to go check on her. he walks in the room shes in and sees her cryin again. "wats da matta now?" the boss askes. she replys "my sister just rang up and said her mother had died too"





i hope u unda stand that i got it all off of memory and im not very good at rememberin

[lod171717]

hehe awesome!

umm i know there are some cool blonde jokes but i cant remeber any...

[Emma-ScreamoKID]

this is from what i can remember

A blonde was out of money so she kidnapped a kid
and tied a note to him
"leave £4000 by the old green tree at 1pm tommorow signed a blonde"
and sent him home
the next day at 1pm by the old green tree there was £4000
with a note
"how could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

dont no if thats funny but yeah lol

[OMGZLOL]

LOLZ.

3 girls escaped from prison.
a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.

they were walking down this street when they heard a police car, so they ran to the nearest alley.
in the alley they found 3 sacks, so they each jumped in one.

police offers walk down the alley, see 3 suspicious looking sacks.
the police officer kicks the first sack, which the redhead was hiding in.
the redhead goes "Woof", so the police thinks it's a dog in the sack.
police officer kicks the second sack, which the brunette was in.
brunette goes "miaow", police officer thinks it's a cat in the sack.
police officer comes to the third sack, kicks it to see what's inside.
the blonde, who was inside goes "potatoes!!"







TLDR?! IDC!

[sumchick]

haha good one.

[Nicky]

I have a bunch XP

A blonde walks in with her finger shot off and goes up to the front desk.
"What happened?" asks the person at the desk.
"I tried to commit suicide," she replies.
"By shooting your finger off?"
"No. At first I pointed the gun to my chest, then thought 'I just paid a lot of money for breast implants, so I'm not going to shoot myself in the chest.' Then I pointed the gun in my mouth, and thought 'I just paid a lot of money to have my teeth straightened, too, so I'm not going to shoot myself in the mouth.' Then I pointed the gun to my ear, but thought 'This is probably going to make a loud noise,' so I plugged my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

If you don't get it.... think about it for a minute lol.

A ventriloquist is performing, and starts his routine with his usual blonde jokes. He tells a couple, and then finally a blonde woman stands on her chair. "I'm tired of blonde jokes! Why do we have to be judged by the color of our hair, and not what's on the inside? We're people too, you know! We have feelings just like everyone else!..." Meanwhile, the ventriloquist is becoming very embarassed, and starts to apologize. "I'm sorry ma'am- " but the blonde interrupts him "Stay out of this, mister! I was talking to the little jerk on your knee!"

Nine blondes and one brunette are hanging on a rope over a river. The rope is starting to break, and some of them are going to sacrifice themselves and let go in order to save the others. The brunette gives a long speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself in order to save everyone else. The blondes are so touched that they start clapping.

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

[OMGZLOL]

lol

[Emma-ScreamoKID]

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."


A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

[Nicky]

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.

"I'm here for the paint job," she said.

"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."

The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.

After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.

Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"

Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

[†€p]

omfgidc said:

LOLZ.

3 girls escaped from prison.
a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.

they were walking down this street when they heard a police car, so they ran to the nearest alley.
in the alley they found 3 sacks, so they each jumped in one.

police offers walk down the alley, see 3 suspicious looking sacks.
the police officer kicks the first sack, which the redhead was hiding in.
the redhead goes "Woof", so the police thinks it's a dog in the sack.
police officer kicks the second sack, which the brunette was in.
brunette goes "miaow", police officer thinks it's a cat in the sack.
police officer comes to the third sack, kicks it to see what's inside.
the blonde, who was inside goes "potatoes!!"







TLDR?! IDC!

thats sooooo funni i would have said mooo if i was in da sack

[* / / K a t y .. o x ] < *]

id say CHEESE! but then they might think i was a camera - get it get it??? yeeah

[lod171717]

i would of said "IM A SACK! SACK SACK SACK!"